Reflections on CFA Level II Exam - Nov 2021

I have a finance and engineering background. I currently work in the energy industry in a Strategy and Analytics role where I also do significant financial modeling, with a view to transition to an investment role at a later stage in my career. Clearing CFA is a good signal to show proficiency in finance, specially if one wants to pursue career in Europe and North America. I had cleared CFA Level I in Feb 2021. The exam preparation for CFA Level II started with all intent in September 2021 and continued literally to the last minute. I had studied all the exam topics and had understood most of the concepts, except few concepts in Financial Reporting and Analysis (FRA) and Portfolio Management (PFM). I was only lacking simulated exam practice that gives feedback about the level of preparation before the actual exam. I couldnt do that because of how late my preparation went. The exam process overall was smooth and the exam went better than expected as per my experience. I could attempt all the questions without making guesses. None of the questions appeared too difficult for me, and I finished both sessions ahead of time. I cleared the CFA Level II in my first attempt with a score that is between 80th and 90th Percentile of all test takers. 

Preparation for the exam

Even though I registered for the Nov 2021 CFA Level II exam in April 2021, preparation started in earnest only in September. I only studied from Kaplan Schweser Notes 2019, for my preparation. I also referred the CFA Institute reading for a few of topics that were not covered in the Schweser Notes, due to the change of syllabus from 2019 to 2020. Those topics were Machine Learning, Big Data, Trading Costs, Exchange Traded Funds and Corporate Governance and ESG. For all other 46 readings, I only referred the Kaplan Schweser notes for my preparation, with occasional Google searches for topics that needed some more clarity and understanding. My study method was quite simple. I usually start my preparation with a fresh new topic and then work through the topic in one go. I could finish upto 3 topics in one specially productive day. But there were also days when I got stuck in one topic (there were about 50 topics to cover in Level 2 in total) for more number of hours than was really necessary. A careful reading and working through the example would usually help me understand the topic in most of the cases.

All the end of LOS questions in the Schweser notes were solved (about 900 in total) during the preparation. The preparation for exam really picked up speed only in November 2021, about 4 weeks before the exam. Due to work schedule, I could study mostly on weekends. But an assessment of preparation status in late August made me realize that such strategy will keep me woefully short of completing the syllabus ahead of the exam date with not much time to do a few mock tests to assess the level of understanding and knowledge. A change in job profile also meant I could devote some of my day time for CFA preparation, without affecting my work. In November, I finished Equity Valuation, FRA, Portfolio Management and Ethics, all hugely important topics. It was also good to prepare some of the topics late in the preparation cycle so that the memory remained fresh during the exam time.

Overall, found the FRA section as one of the most difficult to study, even though at the end of my preparation, I also realized that FRA is conceptually not that difficult. Rest of the study sessions were all manageable and I was able to finish most of the study with full understanding of the material in one go. The significant problem I faced during the preparation was the issue of forgetting the formulas and the methods used to solve problems during preparation. For example, when the quantitative methods section was completed in early September, I had assumed a full understanding and perceived mastery of all the material. But when I was reviewing the section in late October and early November I had seemed to have forgotten the key concepts and methods and had to redo some part of the study, albeit helped by the early preparation the revision took much less effort and time. This issue of forgetting the earlier completed study sessions was a major theme during the preparation.

My overall strategy was to cleanly understand all the concepts, which I was able to in most cases, then continue practice problems and formulas closer to the day of the exams. My strategy itself called for  preparation close to the actual exam day. But there was never a point where I felt completely confident in my knowledge to write a practice test to gauge my level of knowledge. So I prepared literally till the last minute before the exam, knowing well that without the understanding of topics, no amount of exam practice will help me make pass the actual exam.

Exam Day

I arrived near the exam venue in Halifax city, a full two and half hours ahead of schedule. It was a cold rainy day in Halifax. I was at a nearby McDonalds having coffee and revising the formula sheets that I had made over the previous 3 days. The formula sheets were extremely useful for my last minute preparation as I had written down the formulas. The act of writing down the key concepts and formulas were helpful for memorization. I went into the Prometric center, Dartmouth, NS at 11.15 AM and my test was scheduled at 12 noon. I was told by the folks at the exam center that I can start my exam anytime, so with another 5 minutes of poring over the cheat sheets, I was ready to start my exam. There was a 5 minute security procedure before I went into the room where a computer was ready with my name on the screen with CFA Level II exam.

Reflections on First Session

I was quite nervous to begin with as I had not attempted a full timed test and simulated my exam day performance. I was of course familiar with the exam format, so when I saw that question vignettes are all shorter than I expected, I was quite happy. The session started with Economics and progressed all the way to Alternative Investment and Portfolio Management. The first session had 11 vignettes with 4 questions each in the vignettes. I found the questions to be straightforward most of the times and I probably had to initially guess a couple of questions (may be more), but not more than five. I finished the session about 30 minutes ahead of schedule and had time to revise my answers where I made two changes to the answers. I was generally happy to have finished the session as I was quite tensed to begin with and each of the vignettes were of differing difficulty level for me, but none so difficult that I had to purely guess the answer.

Reflections on Second Session

I took about 10 minutes break between the sessions. I started my session with much better confidence and positivity due to my better than expected performance in first session. I had hit my stride by then, or it could also be that the second session was also not that difficult on a relative basis. All the questions from the Vignettes were even more straightforward than the first session based on my experience. I finished the session almost 53 minutes ahead of schedule. I reviewed all the non numerical answers, but I didn’t redo calculations to reconfirm the numerical answer choices. I was quite looking forward to finish the whole exam quickly and leave the exam venue, happy and content noting that my 2 months crunch time preparation really paid off.

Overall Reflections

As mentioned earlier, I came out of the exam center as a happy man, relieved that the exam was easier than expected. I also managed to solve almost every question without resorting to any guess work. The number of questions where my answer resembled a guess was less than five. My review post the first set of answers also didn’t return any large number of changes, that also made me confident that my answer choices must be correct. I checked Reddit forums on CFA and found that the feedback about the exam resembled my experience. Candidates found the exam, overall straight forward and easy, where a good grasp of fundamental concepts will see them breeze through the questions without much difficulty. This raises two questions for me. If the exam was easy for most people, then errors made during the exam will be punished. I may have been too fast in my second session and chances are that I may have made few mistakes in that session. First session is also not that different in that regard as I found the first session more difficult than second. However, my feeling is that I have good chances of clearing the CFA Level II with a score slightly above MPS. In reality, I scored well above MPS with my score being dragged down below 90th percentile only by less than expected performance in FRA and PFM sections. 

Conclusion

I had prepared well for the exam, as in there were no topics that I didn’t understand or struggled to know the key concepts. I may have had to learn Portfolio Management active risk chapter with a less deeper understanding that usual and topics of Pension Accounting, International Accounting were also learned with less than deep understanding. I was able to understand other topics with deeper understanding of the concepts. It also made sense to study till the last minute for my case due to my work schedule and how less time I was able to devote for the study in August and September. Based on my experience of forgetting the formulas and concepts from earlier preparation, a late concentrated preparation helped me appear very fresh for the exam. Lack of exam practice did affect me, as scores in the FRA and PFM sections were less than my expectation. My key takeaway is that, CFA Level II can be cleared with a very focused 2 to 3 months preparation. I also realize that exam practice without adequate preparation is probably not very good. Prioritize preparation and understanding of the topics.

Profile of the Candidate

I have bachelor’s in engineering, master’s in business administration and a MS in applied mathematics (Finance). I worked in finance sector for 3 years, before transitioning into Energy Economics, first as a policy researcher and then as a consultant. I currently work as a Manager, Strategy and Analytics with a North American energy utility based in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I therefore possess background in finance and some quantitative ability. I cleared my CFA Level I in April 2021. I could’ve registered for Level II exam in August 2021. Due to work schedule and also in light of an extended overseas travel, I instead chose to take the exam in the Nov 2021 testing window. As I cleared my Level II exam, I am on track to register for Level III in mid/late 2022, which is the fastest anyone can complete all three levels of CFA. 

My impressions on reading the New Yorker magazine article about Hinduisation of India and the influence of Narendra Modi

I first came to know about the journalist, Rana Ayyub from a New Yorker magazine article. The article is about a covert visit to Kashmir undertaken by her and a New York Times correspondent, immediately after the repealing of article 370 by Indian government with declaration of Jammu and Kashmir state as two union territories. The interview with her (available on YouTube) details her impressions, generally on the marginalization of the real humanitarian narrative in Kashmir by the largely "pro-Hindutva", "pro-Modi" national media, and how the strict clampdowns on human movement, complete restrictions of freedom of expression, ban on any form of political protests and suppression of the basic human rights were portrayed as necessary evils to fight against separatism and anti national sentiment. The comment section of that YouTube video was full of hate speech against her, and how she is portraying the Kashmir issue with an "anti national" angle to foreign media. 

The comment section criticism is all BS as per me. The motivation of Ms. Ayyub is genuine, she is as true Indian as any one and she is someone out of her life experience of alienation based on religion has taken the path of journalism to fight the issue at the root. I found out that Rana Ayyub is an award winning and exceptionally courageous journalist who grew up in a Muslim family in a largely Hindu dominated locality in Mumbai. Her family experienced religion based discrimination during the Babri Masjid issue related riots in 1992 when Mumbai witnessed one of the most devastating religious riots where thousands of people lost lives. Her life was displaced from a comfortable middle class existence, as the daughter of a journalist living a peaceful life in city, to a shanty suburban town comprised largely of displaced Muslims living in fear and in dire economic conditions, feeling out of place and getting rejected in the face of the evolving story of India as a largely Hindu Rashtra. Ms. Ayyub chose journalism as career of choice (no surprises) and rose to be a star investigative journalist at Tehalka (a once famous weekly, well known for journlistic sting operations), leading their sting operations exposing complicity of Mr. Amit Shah in extra judicial killings (a crime for which he was jailed for 10 months). She also spearheaded another sting operation with quite elaborate planning, where her aim was to expose the complicity of Gujarat state (and indirectly then chief minister Narendra Modi) in abetting the violence against Muslims post the burning of a train in Godhra. 

I agree that religion is a necessary evil as not all people are rational and think altruistically, but it is useful in keeping people finding a purpose in life and achieve success to be a part of a cohesive and functioning society. In this regard, religion should not come in the way of  respecting the differences, forming basic human connections, friendships irrespective of religious background. But religion when used to divide people is a fertile ground for political gains and is a potent poison brew to improve chances of victory in elections. We also note that the related aspects of differences as regionalism, language, caste are all ideas that are milked mostly for election victories and a means to grab power for a ruling class. The ruled class who in the first place were the sounding boards for the divisive ideas of discrimination based on religion, caste, creed, state, language gain almost nothing in return, and loses the sense of security and social harmony that are crucial for them to lead a happy life. Their life will be mired in rancor, ill will against other, closing off mind against other ideas or thoughts, staying in an intellectual and news bubble of information that they like, finally becoming the kind of single minded fanatics as they once thought the 'other' to be. This transformation of a group of perfectly fine people to a group of fanatics, united in the hatred of differences, suppression of free exchange of ideas, debate and easy labeling of dissenting voices to anti nationals or anti cultural brigade, spells misfortune for the functioning of society.

The New Yorker article, in my opinion, faithfully describes the key events that led to the rise of BJP and Hindutva brand of politics in India. The article is not judgmental as for the trajectory of the rise Narendra Modi, but the description of the manner in which the dissenting voices are suppressed, killed or jailed makes one wonder the legitimacy of the whole movement. I come from the state of Kerala, which for historical reasons have enjoyed religious harmony and peace and was never a fertile ground for Hindutva brand of politics. Keralites are known to be well informed about politics and have quite modern mind set and opinions that resonate well with progressives in any modern democracies. Coming from this background and having lived only a few years in Northern India without ever getting in touch with the underbelly of the society, I can only imagine the cultural baggage of Hinduism as a metaphor for Northern Indians that lead them to embrace cow vigilantism, religious vandalism, killings in the name of religion and easy exclusion of a group of people, whom they may have grown together with, for being a Muslim. This shows the Hinduism they profess to follow is not the Hinduism that I follow. 

My experience in getting PMP certification (2019)

I work as a consultant in the Energy sector and had a project management work experience of 6 years at the time I decided to try take the PMP certification. I briefly describe timeline in my successful attempt to get PMP certification. It took me about 25 days of effort and 75 hours of study to clear the PMP exam.

Day 1 - Spoke to my friends and got a general idea of how the PMP certification process works. Went through the PMI website. Registered for an accredited PMP course to get the 35 hours PDU requirement. I selected Joseph Phillips course on Udemy.com. The course is quite fairly well reviewed, comprehensive, and fairly well presented. (Though I now think that the content covered in the course is inadequate in clearing the exam, if one relies solely on this course and its materials. But the course an excellent start to meaningful PMP preparation)

Day 1 to 14 - Completed the PMP course on Udemy.com and downloaded the completion certificate. I would play the course videos at 1.5x speed and used to take notes in “Google Keep” to store it and return to it. I must have spent 30 hours for completing this course over a period of two weeks. I also completed the two diagnostic test at the end of the course and scored 73% and 50% respectively in first attempt (total 5 hours). In the end of chapter exams, my scores were on average 16–19 correct out of 25 questions (first attempt).

Day 14 - I completed my application for PMP exam and submitted to PMI for review. Did no preparation for the next one week as I was waiting for the result of the profile review process from PMI side.

Day 21 - My profile was reviewed (without any audit) and I was allowed to register for the exam. Due to errors in the way my contact number was recorded in my PMI profile, I could schedule the date only after speaking to a customer service agent of PMI to help with the scheduling issue.
Day 23 to 30 - I got an exam slot for 7th Dec and took it. I had borrowed PMP study guide (Kim Heldman 9th edition) from a friend and started going through chapters. The book is not well edited (in my opinion), and I found the language confusing at many places, making reading quite tedious. The end of chapter tests were quite useful. I had earlier noted that (during simulated test), my grasp of project planning and executing process areas were weak. So I read those chapters in the guide. For other sections, I only did the end of chapter test and reviewed the incorrect answers (25 hours).

Day 31 to 34 - I had purchased two sets of practice exams from Udemy.com, one set of Joseph Phillips (Set I - 200 questions) and other of Georgio Dacchache (300 questions) (both purchases were made purely based on user reviews). I attempted the exams and was scoring 68%-75% range in the first attempt. I reviewed all the incorrect answers.

Day 35 (day before exam) - I also accessed the online questions content of Kim Heldman guide from Wiley Online learning (Sybex), where additional 300 questions were available for review. I completed those 300 questions over one day.

Day 34 to 35 - Over the course of two days and morning hours on the exam day, I reviewed all the questions that I had attempted over the course of study and mock exams (PMP course - 400 + 350 end of chapter questions, Exam set I - 200 questions, Georgio Dacchache - 300 questions and Kim Heldman - 500 end of chapter questions and 170 exam questions). I noticed upon review that I tend to forget the answers for the non intuitive questions where knowledge of guide rather than experience is important, so I made sure I imbibe the project management concepts from the notes that I prepared from the online course. I actually never went back to the videos after the completion of the course but was relying on the notes I had prepared based on it.

I reached at the exam venue 45 minutes before the scheduled time (3PM). I wanted to briefly go through the notes and memory sheets (available from the course), but decided against it and promptly went to register for the test. I started my test at 2.45 PM.

The questions in the PMP exam were quite confusing in the choice of answers. The questions were all phrased much better than all of the mock exams I had attempted and was also closer to real work environment situations than the ones I had worked on. Kudos to PMI for preparing a well crafted question set. One could quite easily eliminate two of the answer choices, but the remaining choices both looked to be good answers for the question. This was the major issue that I faced in the exam. This was the case for majority of the confusing questions (which I had marked for review) that I encountered in the real exam.

My work experience also helped me visualize the scenarios of questions and I was thinking of my likely response as a project manager in handling such a situations. Hence, some of my answers were based on my work experience and certainly not based on PMBOK guide based principles. Please avoid this situation. I finished answering 200 questions in 2.35 hours (155 minutes) and reviewed all the answers in next 85 minutes. It was with quite a fearful mind that I clicked on the “Next” button after reviewing the 200th question, knowing that I will be seeing the result at the next page. Luckily for me, I passed. I scored “Above Target” in first three process areas, “On Target” in Monitoring & Controlling process area, and “Below Target” in the Closing process area. Somehow, the ‘Below Target’ score in one of the sections did not jeopardize my overall passing of the exam. I was quite lucky that day.

I had some years of experience writing and doing well in tough competitive exams in India, and that cumulative experience may have helped me clear PMP with minimal but very focused preparation.

Musings on the future of Formula 1

The Formula 1 has been the pinnacle of automobile racing for the last 68 years. The best technology, the best talent, fastest cars, the best race organization and the best entertainment all have came from Formula 1 races for the last 7 decades. Rally enthusiasts may argue that the Group B era rallying in the early 1980s were far more exciting than Formula 1. I tend to agree with this argument. Yes, the most important selling point for Formula 1 is that they are the fastest form of facing in a defined circuit and they attract world class racing talent who recognize Formula 1 as the pinnacle of driving skill examination. In the ensuing period, the races have also considerably evolved in terms of the technology, race rules, strategy and marketing. Needless to say, the best minds behind the control of Formula 1 are seemingly well aware of the changing times and have updated the rules and regulations to make the sport entertaining and relevant. For example, in an era of increased awareness climate change and effects of wanton use of fossil fuel, the Formula 1 decided to change the technology regulations to remove refueling between the races to incentivise teams to improve fuel efficiency and fuel management in the races. The changed rules also resulted in probably the biggest innovation in power trains since the entry of Turbo engined cars, namely the development Hybrid powered engines with KERS. Effective management of energy usage and improvement in KERS technology has see the Formula 1 engines smashing the 50% efficiency barrier in 2016. This is a staggering achievement to think that the best of commercial IC engines manage a thermal efficiency of only 30%. Formula cars are now faster than ever, lapping circuits as Monza, Spa at the fastest ever recorded times. The race calendar has also ballooned to 21 races crisscrossing the world and visiting more countries than ever. This is indeed a good period for the sport as such, but clouds are looming ahead questioning the long term viability of Formula 1. There are issues in the form of dominance of teams in the race, the question of money trumping over technical talent, difficult to overtake circuits and cars, boring races where the race proceeds as a procession with pit strategy often the deciding factor in determining the race winner. The technology shift to EV's are also hard to ignore in the long run, the days are numbered for the glorious sounding F1 oil burning engines to disappear from the tracks. 

The year 2021 is planned to be a water shed moment in the rules and regulations. A number of changes in the rules and regulations are set to come on force from 2021 season. The main thrust of the changes are to make racing more exciting, paving for a more equitable field for manufacturers to compete, making the equation of driver skill more relevant being the main reasons.

Formula 1 engines cannot evolve any better than they are currently now, they will inevitably hit the unsurpassable thermodynamic efficiency barrier of the combined system, estimated to be at a few percents higher than the current best effort. The only way forward is to go fully electric, an eminently possible way given the pace battery storage technology is progressing and commercial electric vehicles are kicking the ass of IC cars on drag strips and race tracks across the world. When a time comes when an electric engine car can outrun a conventional engined Formula 1 car, the Formula 1 in its traditional form will cease to be the  fastest and most technologically advanced form of racing in the world, thus reducing its world wide appeal. Given the fact that electric motor powered cars have inherent advantages in torque, power delivery, power density and reliability, it is a matter of time before the battery storage technology improves so much that a race length of energy can be stored within the limits set by ultra light cars of Formula 1. I will go out on a limb to say that by 2035, with mid race change of batteries permitted, we can finally see Formula E cars lapping a race circuit faster than IC engined cars. 

My thoughts on the latest Tesla

I must confess at the outset that I am not a fan of 'big bad' pickup trucks. For me the bulk of a pickup truck signifies nothing more than wanton waste of precious resources, be it fuel, road space or parking space. Not to mention the high probability that the driver in that truck would be more of an asshole than a nice man or woman. May be it's just the stereotype of a pickup truck driver, but I really cannot fathom the logic behind the sizing of some of the dodge rams and ford f150s trucks on the road that they look as massive as proper load hauling trucks used to transport stones etc. The size of a pickup truck is manifest if those trucks were converted to an SUV using the same platform of manufacturing (as both ford and GM have done), the SUV itself is so huge it almost looks like a nicer version of a 17 seater commercial van minus the ridiculous design.

So when I was made aware of the release of an electric SUV by Tesla motors, I really couldn't think of any expectation of what the product could look like nor would I say I sat waiting for the start of video stream with any amusement. There are few givens in the release of any new Tesla automotive product, insane battery technology, great performance and stunningly simple but beautiful design language, and the simplicity of the interior. So I logged in to the Tesla website with my name and email (are they collecting information of potential customers here, by asking to register to watch a live event?). And voila after a crazy light beam show and some playful banter by Elon Musk, the truck was unveiled in a single swoop as this strangely low slung looking, all metal, ultra modern industrial design of all lines and geometry, large metal panels and minimal design flourishes, of a huge truck came into view in the stage. I must say I was stunned into disbelief first, for how can such an unconventional looking truck is not going to elicit negative responses from potential customers. But as the event went on, I slowly become accustomed to the boldness of the endeavor and how such a sledgehammer of a design backed up by insane capability is something that Tesla needed to try upend most entrenched automobile market segment with its fervency of fandoms and brand loyalty.

The truck rides like a cheetah, albeit built as sturdy and massive as a bison. It is spacious on the inside and the specs promise a range topping electric range of 800 KM. That's an insane amount of range, which I am quite sure will trump the gasoline range of a large pickup truck of the same towing capacity and size. I have a good feeling about the product now, and that it will be a good success in the market. One, the design is highly distinctive and slowly grows onto you. And such pickup truck owners often have the biggest baddest egos and how best to massage their ego by giving this futuristic looking all metal and glass behemoth that looks not out of place in a Terminator movie and runs as fast as a Porsche and able to tow a mountain. Secondly, the pricing is quite well done as per me. They have really benchmarked the price against the most popular variant of Ford F150s of the market. Third and most important, the truck, specially the range topping variant can kick the ass of any good performance car let alone performance truck, out there in the market.

If I have a chance, I am quite sure to put a deposit to buy a Tesla pickup truck,the so called 'Cybertruck'. I realized that my ego needs to have me riding triumphantly and lording over the road in a truck. But my conscience was not allowing me to waste resources. So having a Tesla cybertruck is like having the best of both worlds. After watching a few of Elon Musk interviews, I got the impression that elon Musk has a clear product vision that is articulated by designing products that he would love to own and drive. He spoke about his product eliciting 'customer love' than satisfaction, which would help word of mouth publicity and much better brand loyalty in the long run. These are two fundamentally important things in Elon Musk world, design products that are in his word 'insanely great', and that make customer fall in love with it. I hope Tesla Truck will fit the bill and will be a roaring success.

Fabric of Reality

Have you ever thought of our destiny in life? Come to think of it. Just imagine yourself to be disembodied and observe the life that you have lived so far. Yes, you are a small man living a very average life just touching the lives of a few people in whole of your life. What effect do you expect you can have on the physical world? In a rational way, the continued 'Copernican revolution' has reduced man from 'Gods chosen ONE' to an insignificant bunch of atoms coordinated to work in such a way to function as a whole for a fleeting time (in earths age) and then dissolve. Even the molecules that we call constitute our body changes every microsecond and we are materially different from what we were, say 5 weeks ago. In this despondent view of life from afar, our life doesn't hold much promise here.  It is also incredible to think that our material bodies and all complex matter that we observe is a remnant of a supernova explosion some 7 Billion years ago. Life is an unaided self organization and goal oriented sustenance of matter, in a very broad sense.

I was reading a book "Fabric of Reality" by David Deutsch, which sort of offers a consolation to the purely positivist reductionist thought about the futility of our lives. It is carefully argued that knowledge once created is a true agent of change in this universe. The beginning of knowledge, as the author puts it, is filled with infinite possibilities for its actualization. What survives the special organization of pure matter (a technical term for life) is this knowledge embedded in a system of molecules that we call brain or computers (if we ever store for posterity, our systematized knowledge). This transcendence of the ephemeral material existence of our body, while our disembodied knowledge, which can be considered as the distillation of workings of many generations of minds, lives on with or without the necessity for a material body to actualize it. This is how we survive and we ought to survive. Our souls, the ones that see no death, is our knowledge or ordered information. 

Lance Armstrong Episode - A personal Post Script - after watching Oprah episode 1.0

I would not go as far as to say that Lance Armstrong and his downfall was dealt by me, by following many of the stories that appeared in newspapers from Argentina to Zimbabwe, with sadistic pleasure to watch and wait while a ruthless fighter was indubitably found to have cheated and was dealt with the harshest punishment and great humiliation. The 2010 article in Outside Online about Jeff Novitzki and his lone battle against the Armstrong Clique was an eye opener for me. I was then almost convinced that Armstrong would have doped. But the revealed extent of his doping was beyond my imagination. 

To me Armstrong was a hero in the same league as Tiger Woods or a Sachin Tendulkar. I used to watch Tour De France broadcasts by Ten Sports channel in India for atleast the last 4 years when Armstrong won the tour. I still remember the feverish refreshing of my office computer to check the update on tour stages, much to the peril of wrath from my manager. I was a great fan of cycling, which stemmed partly from my two years cycling to college as well a general love for all sports. I adored all top names in cycling, genius Fausto Coppi, great Jacques Anquetil, fighter Raymond Poulidor, the inimitable Merckx, the boss Bernard Hinault, tragic Tom Simpson and coming all the way to majestic Fabian Cancellara, work man like Bradley Wiggins and even the much misunderstood Cadel Evans. 

You dont have to be a fan of cycling and a fan of Armstrong to believe and appreciate the magnitude of positive adulation the guy had received with his 7th TdF win. There wasnt any global sports awards that he failed to win. He was in the front pages of almost all famous magazines at times. He dated the famous singer Sheryl Crow, who graced the occasion of 2005 tour during stage ends. He was masculinity personified and the story proved too good to be true, untill we started to believe in the impossible as far as this man was concerned. He was vulnerable in many ways, for me it was his emotional TdF stage win after the death of team mate (Fabio Casartelli) in an accident. It was reported that Armstrong was the most touched man by that tragedy, this to me showed a great human quality within Lance Armstrong. May be the excision of cancerous tumors also took out something valuable, the humaneness, from him. 

Yes, unreasoned belief in truth in a man’s deeds is worse than believing in God, for we can reason the unreasonableness of latter but not of former. I can draw many parallels with Armstrongs downfall with other corporate scandals, even the subprime crisis in a broad sense. We all live in a world where the social contract is written and obeyed not for ones absolute benefit but is seen as the best of choices for all of us to live in relative harmony and comfort. So all laws are to be seen as man made creations. With the dawn of rationality we view of anyone, who seems to transgress the laws, as a criminal which was not the case earlier when the powerful could do anything and could get away with with the invocation of the “Sanction of God” as the ultimate ruse to conduct acts that were not optimal for benefit of society. In a strange way, when we as society is seemingly in the most rationalist in all its history, we are faced with such blatant cases of violation of code that, according to me is proof enough there is not any way when we humans will forever be happy living within a set of laws. (There has to be a law for that - behavioural theorists can note).

Even Armstrong for all of his doping career, was drunk in his own invincibility, helped by the army of unscrupulous lawyers at his disposal to come out of any accusation with impunity. Armstrong's interview in Oprah Winfrey Show, its first part, is telling in the way he seemed to justify his wrongdoing with lack of real remorse and with chillingly brutal candor. Yes, the field of cycling of was rife with doping. He seemed to understand the word "cheat" - more as someone who illegally gets performance enhancement, not as some one who works against the law or spirit of sport by transgressing laws. It didnt occur to Armstrong, or in that case some of others who has doped that "the world of cycling became more lope sided with systematic doping rampant in top teams". So much goes for sportsman spirit. Also the famous act of referring to past crimes of great scales to justify a crime, in this case reference of the 70's and 80's systematic doping of GDR athletics team (even US team were accused of doping - Carl Lewis for example), clearly shows that the collective conscience of the man, the team and his whole support system needs serious rethink on resetting the moral compass on what is right and just in the spirit of sport competition. In an insightful article in NYTimes, quoted a former a team mate of Jan Ullrich of T Mobile that most sponsors knew of widespread doping in the teams. The sudden departure of Rabo Bank and T mobiles association itself for 17 years in this sports, when they could easily have been privy to all the misdeeds of the team members and chose not to exit at that point, only to exit when the evidence seemed insurmountable and indubitable clearly show how profit motive drives, and not love of sports drives the whole sport. Gone are the days when pained legs and strained lungs hauled a bicycle unwillingly over treacherous paths for days on end in one grueling schedule to finish as a glorious testament of the power of human spirit.

I cannot come to hate this man any more, I even thought fleetingly of Oprah slapping Armstrong across his face at one point, but even this hate will subside for we all have the infinite capacity to empathize even with some sinners. Armstrong will never be forgiven in my mind, but I think he should not hounded any more and be allowed to live a normal life, for he cannot undo the damage that he has done and has to endure it in the future (economic fallouts seem most important than any other ethical dilemmas - Armstrong) that any thing worse is doing injustice to a man.

I must learn from Armstrong episode - as always is my policy - to be truthful to myself and others with clear moral principles from reasoned assessment of social contract and the set of laws prevailing and to always believe in power of truth that can surface, and also internalize the sense of justice that Paul Kimmage, David Walsh, Betsy Andreau, Emme O'Reilly experienced when the judgment day came, is far far better than living a life of lies and fabrications. Better be a wronged man in the short term and then be vindicated.

         I didnt bother to watch the second part aired the very next day.

Why I am Not religious

My Religion

This is a special way of being afraid

No trick dispels. Religion used to try,That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing

That this is what we fear—no sight, no sound,

No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,

Nothing to love or link with,

The anaesthetic from which none come round. - Philip Larkin

I have read the life stories of many remarkable men, but none has struck me as forcefully as the life of Blaise Pascal, the 17th century French polymath. His was a peculiar case of supreme rational thinking coexisting with a fervent belief in mysticism to such a high order that this union was never observed in such intensity in anyone else including in the life of remarkable Dutch jurist and theologian Emanuel Swedenborg. Pascal was afflicted with myriads of physical ailments which ranged from mild to extreme, and as is the case for any genius tormented by physical ailments, his highly developed mental faculties may have had effects on his body and vice versa. Why am I digressing to the case of Blaise Pascal is that his case is one of the most singular exceptions in my knowledge, of how a supreme rational thinker embraced irrational ideals with a blind conviction. Isaac Newton was also a believer, but as far as we know from his life, he also had reasoned the non existence of a holy Trinity and in most modern ways would have been termed more a rational naturalist than a religious man. 

The likes of Pascal, Swedenborg, Newton, who can all be termed as believers, are rarities in the 21st century scientific world. I certainly think that any thinker of distinction in the current times, who may be a practicing religious believer, cannot escape from the logical inconsistencies and factual errors faced when confronting uncomfortable meta religious questions. As Nobel laureate Franck Wilczek in his insightful way has clarified, his earlier love for Catholicism naturally could not compete or substitute the sort of universal ideas such as Infinite Space, Infinite Energies, Time that Physics throw at its devotees in abundance, and therefore in no time with his questioning mind, he lost his religious faith. 

Then naturally a question arises, is it possible for a reasonable person to believe in the god as much as in rational science? Or to rephrase it, is it really possible for any one who consider themselves rational thinkers to believe in god and at the same time disbelieve in occult studies or astrology when at the base both ideas are erected on the edifice of unreasonable belief? My reasoned answer to both questions is a qualified and emphatic NO.

As children growing up in India in a Hindu culture household we were definitely religious in the conventional way where I truly believed in my prayers and thought without an iota of doubt that my praying to unseen spirits or gods so would result in something remarkable beyond normality. This was unreasonable belief in something, be it an amorphous entity such as God as much as the notion that the world is populated by good people. I certainly look back with dread at the innocent way we children used to approach elders with immense respect and duty bound listened to them without asking questions, and to think of the way some of them in the faintest sense would have wanted to take advantage of our innocence. 

There sure was a sense of excitement in praying for impossible with fervent faith. I was afflicted with brief asthmatic episode in my childhood days. We being a religious tolerant family had images of a Christian saint in the prayer corner, who was supposed to work miracles to cure disease if one prays hard enough with faith. I did just that for days on end, praying everyday for this terrible constriction in my breathing to go away so that I can go out and play and enjoy. There was s sense of pure delight when one realizes that disease has gone away and is bound to thank the divine intervention the saint has worked with God on my behalf. Also very mundane things like getting a ticket as last guy for a movie that well wanted to see etc were exciting ventures of my praying days. That was a phase of life everyone goes through with some good reason. Primitive men feared rain, thunder bolts and sun before reason gave them the tools to understand the control these entities. 

This was also before reason was absent in our dominant mode of thinking and we used to see world through given accepted facts guided by our unreasoned beliefs, often coming from our elders or books. I was religious in the conventional way throughout my early college life. When I look back, I think that the barrier to get rid off belief in an unnecessary being as the supreme doer of everything good in the world and praying before the entity to let us live good life, was a faint fear of being called non conformist and also self doubt in ones' rationality. 

I have read about a class of reluctant atheists, whose whole thinking stems from religious ideas, they sort of are in atheist camp but cannot come to terms with atheism at its fullest and still cling onto religious ideals as a moral support. The recent book by Alain De Bouton is a case in example for this sort of atheism. I am the sort of atheist that Steven Weinberg is, the dyed in wool rationalist materialistic atheist, who cannot reason or believe in any "Ghost in the machine" behind the working of universe, all of which could in principle be studied or analyzed in the language of mathematics and ideas of symmetry. All of this stems from that most basics of your character, making decision for oneself and stick to it like a man and work to bear it to its full fruition. I still regret some shortcomings in my intellectual development , one is that I did not put much efforts to build rigor in my mathematical thinking. Second I may have been an enthusiastic Physics student if I had been steered myself in that direction in my young age. 

The university where I am currently doing masters is rated as one of the best in the world and is justifiably so considering the quality of infrastructure and excellent faculty that abound here. I was an enthusiastic participant of many of the club meetings of students. I happened to see an advertisement for a debate on "Evolution and Catholicism", organized by Catholic society. I thought that Catholicism has finally come to terms with the indubitable truth of a scientific assertion, and has thoughtfully convened this little debate as crossing a final frontier to reconcile science with religion. And the two debate speakers were supposed to be from Science side and religious side, a scientist, molecular biologist at that and an ordained priest. So I emailed the group of students organizing the debate and prepared some questions to ask in the debate and was duly present at the main library theatre. The first debater, Scientist started his part with a passionate admission of the fact that evolution has passed all scientific tests to be considered as an uncontested truth and so on and he rambled on for some 10 minutes. 

The next U turn, came as a denouement and delivered with a poker face was that he didnt necessarily believe in evolution as a purely mechanical thing, but was infact a process that has something to do with God's will, no other god but Jesus Christ in that (I do not know the version of Jesus Christ they endorses). I was stunned. I peppered him with questions and questioned his assertions, it seems surprising to me altogether that he didnt think he made any drastic course of change in his thought and was adamant (justifiably so) that human consciousness need a divine explanation. So for him a human foetus isnt human unless it is conscious of itself or maybe baptized in a church? The second debateer was an even interesting gentleman priest from Spain. Yeah, he was the kind of gentle fathers we see in churches with a balding head, kind demeanor and a friendly disposition. His first slide failed to suppress laughter from my side, that he believed in Bibles account of age of universe as only some 4004 years.

I just shut off my mind and ears after first slide and just glided through his lecture. The priest generously peppered his debate portion with subtle sexual innuendos to make matters more interesting. I liked that, may that is the reason he keeps his flocks together in church and keep them interested in his preaching. As I walked out, and I balked at asking further penetrating questions to this priest as I didnt want to offend this fine man and the fine catholic team who has taken pains to organize this semblance of a debate. I realized the gulf of differences that lies between me and a believer. For me it is almost inconceivable to make me believe in anything that cannot be reasoned out in a satisfactory way. May be, it is the way I have developed myself by reading and interaction with world and its influence.

What is in a name?

Have you observed this funny thing? If you repeat a name, a very familiar one say of your city, country etc, a hundred times without pause, the name dissociates itself from the signified and will just be a bunch of sound words than anything. Often it sounds downright awkward to repeat those words devoid of meaning. So names, labels on itself signify nothing. But pradoxically, it is everything as the profoundest guy who has ever lived, Herr Wittgenstein says "The limits of language is the limits of my world"! Yeah, you can call anything anyname and insist on it till the cows come home, but does it make any difference in the least? But why did I name my blog "Diagonal Slash" and named the domain "Amlafruit"? Yeah, what I call meaning and language in this naming concept encapsulates some concepts which I think sort of describes the aims with which I started writing this blog. That is to write about some aspects of the world that interests me in person, that happens to be related a lot with mathematics and self identification. So Diagonal Slash, the most famous of mathematical techniques is about an ideal of a concept in thought that has had far reaching implications than eye meets. Also Amlafruit happens to be a fruit that purifies your body, as it is rich in vitamin C. I started this blog right after my visit to a beautiful temple called "Thirunelli Temple" in Wayanad Kerala. The temple name trasnates to "Holy Amlafruit Tree" and I went through the legends of establishments of temple, the aptness of the name struck me.

This is one of the most unique temples I have ever visited, with an unmistakeable northern Kerala charm with the unmatched beauty of it being in the midst of valley surrounded by forests, the temple and its centuries long history, the strong reputation and everything attracts me to it. So I decided to name my domain Amlafruit to that effect.  

My best dozen

I normally boast to my friends that I am a voracious reader of good many number of books. Fact is that, I was a voracious reader of books only in my late teens. Both my parents worked as professors and are book lovers to boot. My father has built a huge collection of engineering books, bound volumes of collected works of famous writers in Malayalam, science books and dictionaries in our home (I do not know the motive for having 20 different English- Malayalam dictionaries in any case). My mother, who has a PhD in subaltern studies, also reads a lot in her free time. In fact her collection of books now attracts me the most as it consists of  works by Jaquese Derrida, Edward Said, Michele Foucault, Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak, Ranajit Guha et al who convey their ideas with intricate use of English language that seems so much incomprehensible and alien to my line of thinking that it is interesting. (Order of Things - by Foucault for example)  My father is also a member of the district public library housed in British era building of grand proportions with tall arch way as entrance and tall roof to accommodate old dusty wooden racks creaking with weight of books.

                                                         
                                          Thrissur Town Hall, where the public library is located

I used to regularly visit the Thrissur public library to read magazines and borrow books. So even in the midst of quite hectic exam preparation for entry into top engineering colleges in India (Luckily I managed to get admission into one of the best possible), I spent an equal time reading books from this public library so much so that the small account book in which borrowed book entries are noted got filled within 2 years of my use (That must be reading an average of 3 books per week for 2 years, or 300+ books).

Now I have sort of lost the mojo for long concentrated reading, a bye product of age I say (I am not that old!)? I was reflecting on the best books I have read as this question came to me in the midst of a chat with a dear friend of mine. She is a voracious reader and has also completed a double degree in Computer Science and Philosophy. As I was never myself asked this question before about the life changing books in my life, I had to think a little hard to come up with a list.

The following are the best 12 books I have read. Take word from me that, all of the books are immensely worth reading for the new vistas it opens in your thinking. I do not profess to have developed any special skills from reading these books, but it sure have enhanced my horizon of knowledge and have since then colored my thinking and philosophy to a great extent. I am a rationalist libertarian humanist. I was convinced of the futility of believing in god by ruminating on a stimulating book about Complexity Theory. From the face of it, if I am able to understand any of these books to its entirety, I would be content to consider myself a learned man.

(Disclaimer: This list in no way an endorsement that I only read very serious books. I Just wanted to blog about these list of books keeping in my mind the goal that someone, younger than me, of my taste of interests can take note. Infact, I have read most of the thrashy stuff that everyone reads, but is no longer interested in reading pulp fiction type for enjoyment sake. I think I have grown in a way in my reading selection, but I do not know for sure that has anything to do with growing maturity and intellectual development as an adult. Now I am more inclined to take/buy Science books, adventure or expeditions, light philosophy and classic/modern fiction of good pedigree if I choose to read.)

1) Emperors New Mind, Concerning Computers Minds and the Laws of Physics - Roger Penrose

In my opinion, this is quite the best book on popular exposition of Physics, Mathematics & Computer Science written by a great master of the subject. It is quite deep and wide ranging in its subject content and this book is considered one of the bonafide classics in Science writing. When I first encountered the book in my college library, I brushed it aside as I had heard of Roger Penrose as a famous theoretical Cosmologist and disingenousness of him writing a popular science book put me off from reading it (Martin Gardner, in preface also states this). But curiosity got better off me, I was hooked when I read the first chapter - where such fundamental questions as What is mind? Do computers think? What is intelligence? are all discussed with such ease that we fail to grasp that we are being led to his magnum opus with the best possible introduction ever. Once Penrose has taken his stand in first chapter that he is a skeptic of the boastfulness of proponents of strong AI, he slowly and surely develops the background for his argument in the next few chapters, in possibly the best ever introduction to computer science and QM. 

His thesis is that Godels Theorem, Turing solution to Halting problem, non computability of classical systems and the mysteriousness of collapse of QM wavefunction (classical and QM world collide) are all indications that current theories are insufficient to describe the operations of mind. He also touches on the incompatibility between general theory and QM as a source of revolutionary new workings in science of mind. And also that human mind is no algorithmic computer. Human thought process transcends strict logical algorithms through what he calls as "insight" - which he terms as the non algorithmic part of mathematics. Penrose also proposes a vignettes of his novel explanation of the working of mind and intelligence in the last two chapters of the book. 
This is a carefully argued book with concise and precise introductions of most of modern physics and computer science. Second and fourth chapters are little demanding for non specialists. The book has everything in range to cater to an informed enthusiast and also to the most proficient practitioner of the subjects. (Try derive the Turing number of a UTM!!) Mr. Penrose will come across as an individual with strong belief in the methods of science but, as the boy in the preface is, unafraid to ask some uncomfortable questions at the current state of thinking related to some of the most fundamental human interest conundrums. I do agree that strong AI is now not as prominent as it was in late 60s till 80s, but the relevance of the book according to me is the timeless nature of his explanations of physics and computers in his peerless classic pedagogical language, which makes it a classic of excellent science writing. I have observed that this book being sold in even some very ordinary book stalls, which itself attests to the continued popularity of the classic.
After reading this book twice and having it in my book shelf for last 6 years, I couldnt but marvel at the breadth and the authority with which the material is covered in this book, so much so that if I ever get stranded in an island and can have only one scientific book with me, it would be "Emperors New Mind".

2) Dreams of a Final Theory - Steven Weinberg

The deepest but the most lucid among the list of books here, I marveled at the depth to which Weinberg has gone to formulate his arguments for rejection of philosophical doctrines and also the lucid Physics the book explains. Steven Weinberg is my intellectual idol.

3) Godel Escher Bach, an Eternal Golden Braid - Douglas Hofstadter

One of the most unique and profound books written by a very singular man. The book is a mine of ideas and can stand alone even as a fine literary exercise.

4) Randamoozham (Second Turn) - M T Vasudevan Nair

In the pantheon of the most talented prose writers ever to grace Literary scene in Kerala, M T Vasudevan Nair towers over his contemporaries as one of the most versatile writers in Malayalam. His masterpiece is the epic novel Randmoozham. I got hold of this book in my late teens. The novel starts with the dramatic scene of the destruction of the city of Dwaraka as Pandavas look on when the insatiable waves slowly devour the city. Unable to even protect the honour of the ladies and heartbroken after the death of their beloved Krishna, Pandavas decided to go for Vanavasa on their march to heaven and salvation. Draupadi was the first one to fall on the way to Himalayas. Tired and grief stricken, she falls by the way side as other Pandavas march on. In the fertile imagination of M T, as a retelling of Mahabharatha in the eyes of Bhima, who is the most powerful yet fallible and humane of all Panadavas, all episodes of the grandest of the Hindu epics receive an incisive treatment and retelling. M T is not inventing any stories, but is using all liberties bestowed on a talented writer who reads and analyzes the original prose of Mahabharatha and reconstructs what the great first author has implied by meaningful silences. Bhima is the only one of the Pandavas who runs back to help Draupadi get up. He is not concerned about the distant call of heavens and eternal life there. Bhima lives in the real world with its agonies and ecstasies and doesnt hesitate none a bit to rush and help her as she lies there dying. In an eternal twist, Bhima remembers his life as one of the Pandavas and there starts the story of Mahabharatha in the eyes of Bhima. M T hits a pinnacle in the use of the most intricately contructed prose and use of words and phrases that only the genius masters can ever put in words (this novel is yet to be translated into any other language, depsite being acclaimed one the best ever novels in Malayalm attests to this intricacy of language) to retell a story that we all know, in a manner that makes it stand along side the original is, in my opinion, one of the grandest and boldest literrary experiments ever done in Malayalam.

5) Life a Users Manual - Georges Perec

One of the best novels published. I was fortunate to find it in my NITC library and read it at a very impressionable age.

6) One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Most haunting and beautiful of all novels I have ever read, nearly moved me to tears after reading the part of Aureliano Buendia's downfall and the sad fate of his sons. As rich with ideas as to be a universe on its own.

7) Life and Times of Michael K - J M Coetzee


I nearly cried after reading the book. One of the most poignant novels of 20th century.

8) Complete Works of Vaikkom Muhammed Basheer - Vaikkom Muhammed Basheer


Genius of Malayalam literature. Incomparable talent in world play, philosophy and simple story telling. A true master.

9) The Mind of God - Paul Davies



Once of the great exercises undertaken by a very learned scientist. I liked the book for its wealth of ideas discussed, which could be used as  starting points to any explorations in philosophy of physics.

10) The Blind Watch Maker - Richard Dawkins

Logical, lyrical, and exhortative classic of fine science writing for a cause, which I side with quite closely.

11) The Perfect Symmetry, the Search For the Beginning of Time - Heinz R Pagels

I read this book quite early in my life and started my dalliance with brilliant science books. I still remember the prose part where Pagels explains the dramatic Einstein Bohr debates and specially the part when Bohr skillfully demolishes Einsteins beautifully constructed thought experiments one by one.

12) 1 2 3 Infinity - George Gamow

Others which i would mention are 1) Midnight's Children 2) Tin Drum 3) Elegant Universe 4) Argumentative Indian 5) Foucualt's Pendulum 6) Fabric of Reality 7) India After Gandhi